I have a major back spasm. Started Wednesday afternoon when I walked Polly. I can barely walk. I can physically feel the muscles in my left lower back – tight as a drum. I’m hoping that getting some acupuncture will help. I’ll probably get relief as I have in the past. Since acupuncture works on an energy level, I totally know that there’s something amiss with my energy. Doing too much, thinking too much about doing more. Ugh. So the physical acts that sent me over the edge were lifting a heavy table and lifting furniture. I know my mind was not present when I did these things. No presence leads to these kinds of issues – rush, rush, rush ahead in thinking about all that needs to be done. That ongoing To-Do list, geesh.
I think the left side of a human body is considered the receptive side, while the right is the transmitting side. Or, I guess you could say, the slow-down-you-need-to-be-present-and-receptive side is on the left. Do-Do makes me a Dodo. I might interpret the pain in my lower left back as me having trouble accepting, which circles back to my soul contract reading.
I’m having trouble accepting. Accepting what? Well, if I go by my reading, accepting things as they are. What things? That’s what I need to work toward identifying. I know some things that are difficult for me – death, for example – we all will experience departure but am I ready for my parents’ departure or my own? Who is ever really ready? Well, lots of people I suppose, but not the majority of people. Something to work on. Another thing – I’m not a beauty (in the Western idealized sense). Not sure who or how many people fit that category, but I know I’m not slotted there. Also, I’m not an athlete. Put that on the list along with a whole bunch of other things that I find hard to accept from physical and social standpoints.
Accepting might mean accepting more fully what my soul contract was indicating – I need to meditate, to use my gifts, to put myself out there. To find myself, accept myself and ALL my flaws, problems and the mistakes I’ve made, am making, will make. Meditation would probably have helped me avoid some of this back pain! Being present means accepting things and myself as is (as are??). Accepting things as they are. Accepting myself as I am. Not as I have projected into the world, or what I want people to believe about me. So while I sit still with acupuncture needles all over the place, attempting to relax in order to release energy pent up in my lower back, I can think about how it will be ok to accept myself – just as I am, warts and all.
On a totally different note – I read Lisa L’s book “Witch” and it stirred something in me. I recall reading Erica Jong’s book about Witchcraft when I was in… gosh, high school? or maybe earlier. It was at my hometown library. It stirred something in me then, mostly because of the images, because I think I was too young to really understand what Jong was talking about. Time to get that book and re-read it. But I also have several books that I got from a friend about witchcraft – which is really about being a wise woman – so hopefully, no one reading this gets all scared or up in arms about me using the word witchcraft. The books are about using native intelligence, such as what the natural world says to us, how we can use it along with our intuition, to take care of ourselves, our families, and our planet. So I’d like to read more so I can be knowledgeable, but also so I can find out more about why the Witch book and others like it speaks to something in my heart. I think I recall being a witch and a priestess in previous lives. So I want to explore this more.