Putting Myself Out There and Resisting It

Monday morning. Well, my spasmodic back is getting better thanks to acupuncture and the wonderful acupuncturist I see.

On Thursday and Friday, I could barely walk and had trouble sitting in a chair at my desk. So I took two days off of work. I don’t like to take too much time because it subtracts from the time I have for vacation. But I couldn’t work – I could not concentrate. Maybe I didn’t want to work?? I’m not totally dismissing that idea.

So there is one other reason to write this morning. I’ve been thinking about how I need to be braver and really put myself out there more. In terms of saying more closely what I’m thinking but also thinking more deeply in spirit (just want to add here that I don’t identify with Christianity or any monotheism. Spirit – in my use of the word means that which is not of the primarily physical). I wish to be brave, to face my fears of being disliked, ignored, ridiculed, shamed, etc. If other souls need me, I need to be brave for them. My big fear is that I’ll get it wrong. Well, beside all my other fears. But if I medicate – uh, that was a funny typo – I mean meditate, practice, write, move ego to the side, maybe I’ll be of use. I must believe. I must believe in greater and in beyond. As in beyond my self, greater than myself.