Journal Entry: 12 November 2017

Note: this entry starts out stating it is free association, and it really is free in many respects. When I wrote it, it was a big block of ink, which makes for pretty difficult reading onscreen.

Free association of what happens when I ask myself “What is spiritual truth? What are spiritual Truths (plural)? What do I believe to be true?”

White pine needles covered in light snowImpermanence – everything changes. There is such a thing as a soul. Everything alive dies, everything that dies lives on. The soul lives forever. Every being has a soul, maybe ALL things have souls. Every person, animal, bacteria… changes; our one constant is change. We only perceive of things being “solid” but it is only our mind’s conditioning that takes us there. The infinite universe is made up of particles, or entities, that are both larger and smaller than our imagination. Horton Hears a Who [by Dr. Seuss] – contains a profound message, or maybe several profound messages.

Who am I? I am a soul occupying a human body, having experiences. Why must a soul have experiences? To learn, to become wise, to ??? what? Return to a state of wholeness, completeness. But a soul is already complete, isn’t it? Are we angels? We are stardust really, literally, we are made of stars. But where did the stars come from? How and what are/were they made of? Energy. Does energy have a “goal” – to become whole or move toward goodness? Does the outward movement of all celestial bodies (aka the Big Bang) have something to do with it – it was once whole, then “exploded” outward and it is now trying to come back together? But where did it all originate?? Infinity is not something easily explained, or labeled or even named. We are bound by a culture of time – our little box, so we don’t feel alone or scared or something.

Sort of off the track here – ? – Maybe, maybe not – all thoughts are connected.
Spiritual truths continued:

People are basically good – I am a person, I believe I am good, therefore people are good. Things get in the way of people seeing that they are good. They make choices that hurt themselves and others. This could happen in a single lifetime, over multiple lifetimes, or in each incarnation.

Oh yeah – reincarnation – I do believe we return for infinite life experiences. Infinite lives – we don’t recall much about them because that is too big for our brains unless you are really well trained like a Buddha or Bodhisattva or maybe the Jesus (who I think was a Bodhisattva).

Is the big thing to come to grips with impermanence? Is that the biggest thing we need to deal with?

Everything changes. It doesn’t go away, disappear – impermanence is about change, not disappearing. I breathe air into my lungs, it changes my body, it changes the air in the room. It doesn’t disappear, it is now a part of me. The air I breathe out changes me, changes the room. It is the same air that the dinosaurs breathed, that the first living organisms used for life, before the dinosaurs.

The first amoeba that ever lived is still alive, but so are WE! the living, so is everyone who is not living – the elements of their bodies are taken up for plants and animals to live. In essence, they become (they being people) – “become” a plant or an animal such as a worm or a bacterium. But even these living things become elements because they are impermanent just like animals or plants – we return to the elements.

The elements too change. We are stardust, remember, but even stars change. Stars are born, live and die. Thank goodness some star somewhere died so that the stardust could travel and re-form to make elements, that made the sun, the Earth, the solar system. Then Earth made plants and animals.

It is circles, within circles, within circles. Each must be, somehow, touching all the other circles because it is all connected.

The Tao, the Four Noble Truths, the Torah, the Koran – what other books about how to interpret the infinite universe? All of which are trying to capture that which cannot be captured in language. What happens when someone dies? What happened to Nancy? Buddhists [some traditions] believe the person goes to the Bardo and then finds another life to inhabit. But christians say there’s only one life and everyone goes to a permanent home. Some say that the soul chooses it’s next incarnation whether personhood or animalhood. I have difficulty reconciling some or a lot of this – it is worth exploring further.

Do you [meaning me] as a soul, disembodied, choose, or does “karma” choose for you? Do those souls that are disembodied, do they choose to hang out or is there a period they get to hang out disembodied, then they choose to remain that way or to return? No and yes and yes and no. Something drives souls to seek to be human. More than one belief system speaks to that. Souls want the human experience.

But that seems arrogant. Like we are the pinnacle – NOT! – we assume being human is the ultimate, but we don’t know for sure. We’ve only experienced this tiny, tiny fraction of the Infinite, or even of our singular representation of the universe (think multiverse), so we don’t know what other experiences there are – maybe life on other planets is spiritually or energetically advanced, well beyond where we are.

Maybe there’s Planet Buddha, aka Nirvana, that’s a real place where the Buddhas are all born and they show up here on Earth as well as on other planets (we don’t even know if conscious energy  such as a soul exists in other ways that are not on planets). Planet is a made up name too. We cannot know, or refuse to explore ? the possibility that we are limited in understanding this. Yet we seek to understand, to encapsulate it. What drives humans to do this?

Animals don’t seem to desire to, although that’s petty arrogant statement too. They may have desires to understand the Infinite, we just don’t have the brainpower to figure out how to talk to them to ask. Or maybe WE are the dumb animals here – we are the ones who haven’t figured it out! Maybe animals are more or less contented, certainly more in the Now than humans, is it that they’ve figured out all the questions we struggle with and they are patiently waiting for us to advance?

I have to stop for today. Thank you to all the beings who are helping me. I feel your presence and I want to work toward being more reciprocal in our relationship. I have “inklings” about my connection to you but just don’t have the tools yet. Please be patient.

Blessings, Susan

End of entry