Journal Entry: 24 November 2017

Trees with fall colors, next to pine trees. The sun peaks through just behind them.
Nature has no To-Do list, why should I?

This morning I read an article on Medium as well as the posted replies to the article and am feeling really dumb. It was about math, education, and how it is geared toward “whiteness.” The fact that it was about math isn’t the reason I feel dumb, but the way the article was written and the challenges to the facts in the article through the replies and responses that make me feel like, WTF am I doing thinking I can write a blog??

I don’t feel like I know how to write a convincing argumentative essay, or just plain essay. The author was able to defend his words by pointing out things in his essay and in the poster’s response that made sense to me. Will I be able to write something that is defensible?

I find myself allowing scattered thoughts around a huge to-do list of my own making to take me away from pursuing the meandering thought that I’d like to concentrate on in my writing. I got up this morning with this journal in-hand, thinking that I’d write something that I could later transfer to my blog – something pithy, interesting, would make people stop and read for five minutes.

But instead, I fed the cats (like they’d leave me alone otherwise…); I collected and folded my laundry from yesterday’s wash; I put away some dishes in the drainer; I read an article on Medium (with ALL the comments); I looked at the weather via my phone; I measured the aquarium and looked up how to find volume of a fish tank.

Then, THEN, I thought about writing in this journal. Along with thought about how I might share the Medium article with my coworkers. Ugh. That’s why I need to meditate. I need to get this scattered-ness under control. Yesterday when I walked Polly in the park, I felt free, lifted, happy. I laughed at myself being unable to do simple math (in my head or on paper). How that would be a nice short blog piece. Well, enough self-loathing (whoa, that’s pretty harsh) – not loathing – just feeling the self-limitations I have. Before I take a walk, I should go upstairs and post a short piece about math. Just do it!

Blessings, Susan

End of entry

Note: I did write about math! See my post “Personal Myth 64: I am good at math