I miss not writing the scifi story I was writing before I began this journal, this journey. I suppose I could fit in both, I just have to figure out how. I’m afraid if I let the story go without attention for too long, the characters will leave me. They’ll abandon the story, just as I have (don’t want to!) and the idea will die out. A couple of things come to mind about writing:
- I love writing
- I like writing that story, it was challenging and imaginative
- I like thinking about it
- I like myself when I stick with projects
- I like journaling too
Completing my soul contract and writing my scifi story don’t seem very compatible at the moment. I could probably do it, if I could just figure a way to write both “ways” and blog, work, eat, sleep, be with C and our four-legged children and pet fish. For eight out of twenty-four hours, I need to sleep, although I’m doing seven to seven and a half hours now and can get up fine in the morning. I think, though, that I probably need more or depression will easily overcome me. Work takes up another eight hours in a block of time, five days a week. So let’s say that adds up to sixteen hours needed, which means I have eight hours left. Out of that, I walk Polly, prepare and eat meals, spend time with C. Then there’s exercise. Forget it. Not enough time for everything. Isn’t that everyone’s lament?
Maybe I should think of it more in terms of a week at a time. Breaking it down on paper, I could squeeze out three and a half hours per day or twenty-five hours per week for doing the following: Write fiction, journal, blog… wait! I have a loved one who I want to spend time with too! So if I carve out two and a half hours watching TV at night as an activity (not our only activity but a fairly regular enjoyable one), that leaves me with an hour to write. Well, an hour is an hour!
But of course…
Life is more dimensional than that, isn’t it? There has to be thinking time, down time, meditative time. Not everything fits neatly into time slots. We have family-friends who also need and deserve our attention. It occurs to me at this moment that I secretly complain about my siblings not staying in touch with me. I mourn the fact that I don’t know about their lives except in a very superficial way. I love them deeply, but I haven’t maintained my relationship with them. With our family here, I consciously take time to nurture my relationships, taking time to be with them. They are family as much as my blood-born fam.
Now, I can’t just take a forty-five minute drive to see family in Michigan. We live eleven hours away from the closest blood family. Distance creates one of many barriers. But we have technology to overcome such barriers – phone, text, some old fashioned things like writing letters and cards. Remembering birthdays and holidays and graduations – all this can be a link to all those I love who are far away. If I complain that my sibs are distant, whose fault is that? I’m certainly not putting as much work into having relationships with them as I do other members of my family. That makes me sad. But it also gives me hope because I can do something about it. It will take effort on my part and on my sibs’ parts. Relationships take work!