Journal Entry: 5 December 2017

Worries, worries, worries. Worry about mom’s birthday party (her 80th), about the fact that my brother and his family can’t be in the same room as my sister. Worry that things won’t come together so we’ll have a nice party for my mom. Worried about my parents getting older and that we may only have years left. Worry that I live so far from them. Worry about my mental brain health. I had trouble remembering a name the other day – am I getting Alzheimer’s at 56? With my back pain – is it something more than muscular? What if it is my other ovary? Worry about my job – is the college going under? Will they get rid of my department? My job? Will I find another? Should I get a PhD? Would that help at all? What about my writing? If I go for a PhD, I won’t be writing much – not a spirit blog, not a fiction story. I won’t finish until I’m in my 60’s – more debt! Will we be able to pay off this mortgage? Will we have another flood?

STOP

STOP

STOP!

decorative imageWorries are clouds. Clouds come and go, look ominous one moment, dissipate the next. You can’t control things, you can’t predict. You can ONLY ONLY ONLY live in the moment. Worries crowd out your ability to see clearly this moment; to see those around you that you love and love you. Worries will be there because they are a part of our atmosphere, but they come and they go. They change.

Clouds. Worries are clouds. You don’t need to live in the clouds. What things can you try to break your worry habit? Why? Because it is a habit to stare at the clouds!

Here’s a few ideas:

  • Cognitive behavior therapy for times when I need to deconstruct a worry
  • Meditation to form a new habit to replace worrying as an occupation
  • Practice the “moment” instead of thinking about it (action vs inaction)
  • Be here now – practice by being present in whatever I’m doing
  • More walks in nature to practice being present
  • Time with family – love will always be there
  • Working toward having no regrets
  • Practice loving myself in this moment
  • Knowing I am here for a reason, this life serves others
  • I can make mistakes and let them go
  • Meditate on how wonderful it is to be alive now
  • Accepts things as they are
  • Raise my acceptance of imperfection
  • Find joy in all things, look for the bright spark of life
  • Feel acceptance that things are not always as they appear
  • Don’t always do – sometimes just be… let it be
  • You have this life to learn as well as to serve, but even more so, to LOVE

Blessings, S

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