Journal Entry: 12 December 2017

Twelfth day of the twelfth month. 12-12-17. 12×12=144; 12+12=24, anything numerological about it?

I haven’t slept well for several nights. I think it’s the stress. I need to get to walking again. I need those endorphins and my heart needs to pump! Closing in on a difficult time of year for walking on a regular basis as we can expect snow, ice, and the ever present winter darkness. I have ways to cope, but I still need time to cope with it.

It will all turn out fine. Repeat after me. It will all turn out fine!

decorative imageSo I am reading this book called Bringers of the Dawn. They present an idea that there are cosmic hierarchies that we have no idea of; that time is not bound by thought like here on Earth; what we call a year may be only a portion of a day for others (which sort of goes along with my hammer-relativism theory I talked about yesterday).

What this brings to mind is a thought I’ve carried with me for a long time (learned along the way from others) – what we experience as a human being is different than what a tree experiences, especially one that lives a long time (in human years). And at the other end of the time continuum, a May Fly that lives a single Earth day, still experiences a lifetime (to its own sense of time). To a May Fly, humans and trees might seem to live forever.

Space is related to time as well – an ant, given its proportional size to humans, can run/move at speeds that would astound us if an ant were the size of a human. It would break all the Olympic records for all time!

We make fun of snails and sloths and slugs for moving soooo slowly – at a snail’s pace. Snail mail. But to a snail or a slug, they are moving at the pace they move! They are living at a natural pace according to their perspective of life.

An oak, a Joshua Tree, a Methuselah Pine all “move” / experience time and space at their own pace. To humans, it appears they grow exceedingly slowly. To them, their activity – growth – is “normal” and they don’t experience their time as abnormal.

It is all about perspective.

Blessings, S

One Tree One Forest

Journal Entry: 11 December 2017

decorative imageI haven’t transferred a blog post in almost two weeks. I keep thinking about it but not taking action. I could easily make the excuse that I’m too busy with stuff. Work Stuff, getting ready to go to MI stuff, on and on. But deep down, I know it is because I have these fears about writing something so public. What if I’m wrong about what is going on in my head as I think about these things? What if someone thinks I’m crazy? Will I have an impact on anyone, as per my soul contract? Once again, my level of confidence is not high about my ability. Yet that is exactly what I’ve been told is holding me back!

So maybe I just need to write something and let it go… so I will. Here it is.

In all religions and belief systems, there are certain things that cannot be reconciled. Buddhism has not – at least in general public understanding – provided an interpretation of the soul. As a belief system, doesn’t necessarily have to do so, or at least it doesn’t have to explain it to me. There may be an interpretation of soul in Buddhist texts (source of information passed down through centuries) that is beyond my simple understanding of Buddhism. Perhaps it is explained or understandable to those with greater knowledge of the intricacies of this belief  system.

It could also be a complete culture block I have for understanding how Buddhism sees the soul. I think this is partly due to our cognitive tools being crafted by the culture we grew up in and live in. A hammer in one culture may be a sledgehammer in another or it may be a delicate hammer used for faceting a diamond. So what I would call the soul may be known as something else in other systems of belief, or even what individuals all around me call the soul. [Would this be some type of relativism? Is relativism a bad thing?]

Of course, the difference between Buddhism as a belief system and Christianity as a belief system, is that Buddhism encourages individuals to question what is presented to them (at least that’s what the Buddha said) – to delve deep into meaning, to look at it from all angles. The religions, such as Christianity, seem to require that you don’t look at the details, you don’t question it from all angles. Instead, you have blind faith when you have questions or need clarification (this may be true for Buddhism as well – just that I never got to that point in my own study of it).

Except for the question of the soul.

What’s strange is that in Buddhist belief, something moves through the Bardo once the physical body dies away and before the “person” takes on a new birth. This “person” experiences the Bardo – so is this different than a soul?

This will take more study. Good thing I’m a lives-long learner!

Blessings, S

Journal Entry: 9 December 2017

decorative imageI listened to my soul contract reading once again this morning. I relaxed into my favorite chair, Jones was on my lap (he’s my precious kitty boy), and I tried to deeply relax. I tried to just listen once again to what she was saying and what I was feeling in me. My goal for the thirty minutes of listening was to chillax – to really allow my chakras to soften. That is, my solar and sacral chakras in particular.

There’s a reason my back has been giving me pain! I haven’t listened to my body and its connection to higher realms of spirit. The pain was a clenching, closing up kind of pain in my lower back, particularly my left side, which is the side of reception. The Universe wants to be heard through me and apparently, quite apparently, I’m not open to it. I need to open up and relax my sacral chakra. I need to listen to my solar chakra and use it to help me be receptive to higher spirit, higher truths. The acupuncture certainly helped move energy and remove blockages. I am feeling better from a physical standpoint. But I think the pain will come back unless I start paying more attention to my spirit side. I feel like I do – that’s the problem! Maybe, though, I’m so out of balance that I don’t recognize how skewed things are.

As I said, I feel creative and that’s the physical, but… I don’t feel confident in sharing spiritual truths with others because what if I’m wrong? Ah. Fear of failure. Failure, too, to relax. I don’t know if you can actual fail at relaxing. Seems like you can do it or not. But it is a state of being, not a goal! Every failure, remember, is a learning experience so if I fail at relaxing – I should tell myself relax! You are learning. Life-long learning becomes Lives-Long learning. Hey, I should use that as my blog tagline! I just googled it and nothing came up matching that. Doesn’t mean its original but I think it might be. I could still use it.

So I want to get up and move around a bit. Take Polly for a walk and think about my lives-long journey. Relax into the moment, be peaceful, be happy with now. I love you.

Blessings, S    One Tree One Forest

Note: this is the first time in my journal that I start adding One Tree One Forest (with a little picture)

Journal Entry: 8 December 2017

Mythos -> Myos -> Truth. That’s the original meaning of myth. So here we are part of a great myth that extends eons. On other worlds, or perhaps on this one, they will look at our times to see what part we played in the story, the legend, the myth (ok, I took that last bit from Lord of the Rings).

Note: What followed was another draft of the story I would share at Winter Solstice.

Journal Entry: 7 December 2017

decorative imageWhile I was having acupuncture yesterday, I was thinking about what I wrote in the morning (6 December). The writing I think I could use as a story for Solstice. I feel something good inside when I think about what I wrote.

What I’m attempting to do is identify the “it” of why I’m here on the planet at this time. But I also don’t want to jump to conclusions, or falsely believe that I should continue to follow this path. One thing I remember from my soul contact reading is that S said that once I began fulfilling my contract for this lifetime and using my spirit talents, it would feel good, it would feel like it flows. Well, writing what I did yesterday – using an existing myth and pulling it in to these times feels good. It feels satisfying. Maybe because it is that time of year when the xmas stuff is being pushed heavily upon us, I feel like following this path is liked opening a present. Like I’ve been given a gift and now I get to open it! It is exciting anticipating what it might be.

I wonder if this might be the path to take? Could this path allow me to share my talents? Help others find theirs? One of the things that’s left as a question after my reading is – what is a spiritual truth? What or how will I know it? How do I talk about it? How do I share it? And then how do I not place expectations upon others to do something with it?

I’ve already decided that I need to write my blog posts as if I were the only one seeing them, or maybe a group of friends seeing them. Maybe I just need to write without expectation. Just write what’s coming to mind, no matter how I think it looks to others. Let the Universe take care of the rest.

Just a note to address later – several times now I’ve awakened in the night when someone calls out my name. Often it is a male voice. I also see glimpses of things out the corners of my eyes. It could be that these new, bigger glasses I’m wearing reflect more of what’s going on behind me. But I know that there are occasions when there’s nothing moving behind me! I’ll have to keep tabs on all of this. It doesn’t weird me out, just makes me curious.

Blessings, S

Reminder: I am willing to create my reality.

Journal Entry: 6 December 2017

Worries still here! But I don’t have to make them into a storm. 🙂

Love finds a way, love always finds a way.

We have a Winter Solstice celebration coming up and our theme is imagining a future. So I needed to think of a story to tell to go with the theme. What came to mind is the story of Ragnarok. I don’t have all the details yet but basically I think of it as a story of the end of one world and the beginning of something new.

In Norse mythology, Ragnarok was to be the end of the world for the Norse gods and goddesses. But what they failed to think through was that the war at the end of the world was faced before – by the giants, who ruled a world before the gods (who were born of the giants). In this war, the gods are pretty much killed off but the goddesses survive. It is not their war. They stay out of it.

Perhaps they opposed them going to war, or whatever the case, the goddesses survived to make a new world because they had something else in mind. Maybe what they decided to do was take their time, figure out how to make things more equal, how everyone could participate, how everyone could be part of the work.

Then they waited. They waited til the time was right. Time to plant the seed in the morals, to seed what would be a better life. They waited because they needed time to consult with the animals, the plants, the trees, the rivers and oceans. They had to get the faerie folk to trust them again. The sprites, the elves, all of the other “-doms” (like kingdoms only less gender-specific). They knew the animals learned the things the humans needed to know a long time ago, so they had to plant the seeds in mortal thought so mortals would listen.

Thus, the seed of the story that I wrote for Winter Solstice. Read the final version.

Journal Entry: 5 December 2017

Worries, worries, worries. Worry about mom’s birthday party (her 80th), about the fact that my brother and his family can’t be in the same room as my sister. Worry that things won’t come together so we’ll have a nice party for my mom. Worried about my parents getting older and that we may only have years left. Worry that I live so far from them. Worry about my mental brain health. I had trouble remembering a name the other day – am I getting Alzheimer’s at 56? With my back pain – is it something more than muscular? What if it is my other ovary? Worry about my job – is the college going under? Will they get rid of my department? My job? Will I find another? Should I get a PhD? Would that help at all? What about my writing? If I go for a PhD, I won’t be writing much – not a spirit blog, not a fiction story. I won’t finish until I’m in my 60’s – more debt! Will we be able to pay off this mortgage? Will we have another flood?

STOP

STOP

STOP!

Continue reading Journal Entry: 5 December 2017