Journal Entry: 9 December 2017

decorative imageI listened to my soul contract reading once again this morning. I relaxed into my favorite chair, Jones was on my lap (he’s my precious kitty boy), and I tried to deeply relax. I tried to just listen once again to what she was saying and what I was feeling in me. My goal for the thirty minutes of listening was to chillax – to really allow my chakras to soften. That is, my solar and sacral chakras in particular.

There’s a reason my back has been giving me pain! I haven’t listened to my body and its connection to higher realms of spirit. The pain was a clenching, closing up kind of pain in my lower back, particularly my left side, which is the side of reception. The Universe wants to be heard through me and apparently, quite apparently, I’m not open to it. I need to open up and relax my sacral chakra. I need to listen to my solar chakra and use it to help me be receptive to higher spirit, higher truths. The acupuncture certainly helped move energy and remove blockages. I am feeling better from a physical standpoint. But I think the pain will come back unless I start paying more attention to my spirit side. I feel like I do – that’s the problem! Maybe, though, I’m so out of balance that I don’t recognize how skewed things are.

As I said, I feel creative and that’s the physical, but… I don’t feel confident in sharing spiritual truths with others because what if I’m wrong? Ah. Fear of failure. Failure, too, to relax. I don’t know if you can actual fail at relaxing. Seems like you can do it or not. But it is a state of being, not a goal! Every failure, remember, is a learning experience so if I fail at relaxing – I should tell myself relax! You are learning. Life-long learning becomes Lives-Long learning. Hey, I should use that as my blog tagline! I just googled it and nothing came up matching that. Doesn’t mean its original but I think it might be. I could still use it.

So I want to get up and move around a bit. Take Polly for a walk and think about my lives-long journey. Relax into the moment, be peaceful, be happy with now. I love you.

Blessings, S    One Tree One Forest

Note: this is the first time in my journal that I start adding One Tree One Forest (with a little picture)

Journal Entry: 4 December 2017

decorative textMonday morning. Well, my spasmodic back is getting better thanks to acupuncture and the wonderful acupuncturist I see. On Thursday and Friday, I could barely walk and had trouble sitting in a chair at my desk. So I took two days off of work. I don’t like to take too much time because it subtracts from the time I have for vacation. But I couldn’t work – I could not concentrate. Maybe I didn’t want to work?? I’m not totally dismissing that idea.

So there is one other reason to write this morning. I’ve been thinking about how I need to be braver and really put myself out there more. In terms of saying more closely what I’m thinking but also thinking more deeply in spirit (just want to add here that I don’t identify with Christianity or any monotheism. Spirit – in my use of the word means that which is not of the primarily physical). I wish to be brave, to face my fears of being disliked, ignored, ridiculed, shamed, etc. If other souls need me, I need to be brave for them. My big fear is that I’ll get it wrong. Well, beside all my other fears. But if I medicate – uh, that was a funny typo – I mean meditate, practice, write, move ego to the side, maybe I’ll be of use. I must believe. I must believe in greater and in beyond. As in beyond my self, greater than myself.